Just a moment please...

All I am asking for is just one moment. That's it. Just one little moment where maybe time would kindly rewind itself for me. Is that really too much to ask? Sometimes it is so difficult to comprehend how fast time really passes. It truly is fleeting in every definition of the word. When I see my girl now, I can't help but find myself reminiscing and longing for the days of yesteryear. Fifteen years ago when I heard the words it's a girl! and it was at that moment a mommy's love began to grow. How is it possible to love a little human being so much? God is the one who makes it possible. He gave me my precious daughter to love and cherish, and to raise in the way God desires. I am not going to deny that every day has been sheer bliss with my girl, but looking back, the good times really do outweigh the not so good ugly times. Please, just one more moment to cherish the days when dresses such as this:

were merely dress-up fun dresses.

But, now these fancy and frilly dresses mean more than just mommy dressing up her little girl. This little girl is spreading her wings now to fly. But how do I face the nest being empty all too soon? I can only face it with God's strength and guidance. Little girl dresses and pigtails and sparkles are but a memory forever etched in my heart. Singing together little songs like Twinkle Twinkle  and Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed have been replaced with (gasp) songs of the boy band, One Direction (and yep, this mom sings along with her in the car---how can I not; it's still memories being made). What melts this mom's heart though is to hear her girl singing songs for her Jesus - Wait for Me, Always, God's Not Dead, etc. Now that is music to my ear.

Time ticks, seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years....and there is no escaping it's forever march forward. 15 years ago, I thought high school was way, way off into the future; but where are we now? Junior year in high school. Can I take a moment and scream? No seriously, I really just want that one moment  where time just stops for me. Seeing your little 8-pound baby growing into a beautiful young woman really is an amazing moment. Makes my heart smile. Though I do long for the days gone by, I would never trade those days for the ones I am experiencing now. 

My precious Amanda, as I watched you sleep a few nights ago, my heart skipped a beat. You may be growing up, but no matter how old you get, you will forever be my little girl watching every episode of Arthur, wearing pigtails in your hair with matching outfits; my little girl who won my heart from that first newborn cry. It's you, my sweet Amanda, that I wish for that one moment in time, just one moment to snuggle you, kiss you, hug you...my little girl in pigtails and frilly dresses, I love you forever and for always! Never will a moment pass that my love for you doesn't get stronger----even if you are a crazy little monkey.

Pitter....patter

little feet run from here to there

exploring, curious, without a care.

Little feet leave their imprint

upon one's heart

right from the start

10 little toes

No one knows

in the beginning

where the tiny 10 will go

But there is one who does

For He created you.

May you always follow

His Divine path for you

Seeking His will

Your tiny feet will one day

carry you to where He designed you to be

Be patient, be curious, be obedient

For if you do

You will always go just where you were made to go.

ODE TO CHEEKS

Once upon a time (hey it's a sappy love story, what can I say?), two Warrior-crossed lovers met and fell in love..a simple love...a senior and sophomore love...love that began over flute playing and marching on a football field.

These two young kids were nearly inseparable (NEARLY is the key word here). And then it happened....the young boy thought the way to win a girl's heart is by giving her a special gift...so became Cheeks!

Oh sweet Cheeks. Such a special gift. One that would make any young girl swoon over the love of her life. Why not!? I mean for goodness sakes, wouldn't you swoon with a gift known as Cheeks? Now what or who is Cheeks? Ah ha, alas you must wait to find out.

Cheeks took up new residence in the young girl's home, much to her father's chagrin (psst...he was not really a bird lover, but for his daughter, endured) and much to her absolute delight. A new friendship began...Cheeks and the girl. Did Cheeks take the place of the young boy?! By golly, how dare one think such a thing! The young boy and young girl, high school sweethearts mind you, eventually married and (boo hoo) moved far, far away. And Cheeks, sigh, was left behind. For you see, the young boy and young girl were moving to the desolate cold land far far away where only Warrior-crossed lovers would go to stay (or if you had no choice but to go says the USAF); North Dakota became their home and Cheeks, well Cheeks continued to bask in the glory of the Arizona sun. Sadly Cheeks did not shed a tear, oh no, for Cheeks was perfectly content; the young girl however was saddened without Cheeks (and of course the father was saddened too that Cheeks still took up residence in the family home).

No room for Cheeks to go when the young boy and young girl returned and perhaps due to having had residence in the young girl's former home, Cheeks was stubborn and stayed. (goodness gracious).

The years have passed - 14 1/2 years of marriage and 3 children later the Warrior lovers have completed their family (unless perhaps you know an "oops" were to happen...hey now, you never know)...and yet Cheeks...well Cheeks still remains at the girl's childhood home. Cheeks is growing older and perhaps even does shed a tear when he calls out, "Hi Becky" or "Pretty Boy" and it's only a reflection that hears his cries (the parents hear Cheeks, but they have become accustomed to the sound).

Cheeks. Who is Cheeks? Cheeks is a cockatiel. Oh yea, he is. He is but a fine feathered friend, given to the young girl (who happens to be named Becky...what a coincidence, huh) from the young boy (Jake...whose mom raised cockatiels). Truly, what better way is there to win a girl's heart than through the gift of a little cockatiel.

Now we all know, life eventually comes to an end for every living thing on the planet. The day and time are unknown to us, but it happens. Cheeks was saying "Hi Becky" and "Pretty Boy" and then took his final breath. End is an era...the Cheeks era. Cheeks may you rest in peace as you fly with all your fellow birds who lived life free of captivity (and those who were held captive against their will...but sure make sweet pets for bird lovers alike).

Goodbye Cheeks. You'll be missed; yes indeed you will (maybe not by the father of the house, but hey.....)

CHEEKS "THE COCKATIEL" DILLE

DOB: WHENEVER YOUR EGG HATCHED

DOD: AUGUST 20, 2012

HaPpY 6tH bIrThDaY jEfFReY!!!!!!!

Six years ago. Are you serious!? Has it really been six years!! God has blessed me with so many sweet nieces and nephews to love. I couldn't be more thankful. Jeffrey is one of my sister's (Becky) youngest son. Her baby. The one we said was just too cute and had the cutest little baby voice (shhh...he still kinda has that cutesy little voice) and was not allowed to grow up! Ha! Of course we all know our little ones grow up into the beautiful children God created them each to be!

This past weekend we celebrated sweet Jeffrey's birthday at Peter Piper Pizza. I love going to the pizza places for birthday parties. Why? Because I get to see the joy on my nieces and nephews faces when they play the games and when they realize Aunt Anne DOES have extra tokens! :)

Jeffrey had so much fun at his party! What's not to love with pizza, soda, tokens, cake/cupcakes, and having all your cousins and family with you.
HAPPY 6TH BIRTHDAY JEFFREY!

SIX AWESOME THINGS ABOUT JEFFREY

*He is one of the sweetest little boys I know.
*He loves superheros!
*He loves to sing Chris Tomlin songs
*He still loves to cuddle with you
*He is definitely a mama's boy
*He will start kindergarten this school year!

HAPPY 6TH BIRTHDAY MY SWEET LITTLE JEFFY BOY! WE LOVE YOU!!

It's Been Nearly 2 weeks.....

It's been nearly 2 weeks now that my sweet Uncle Ray has been walking the streets of gold with our Jesus. To me it seems like it can't possibly be nearly 2 weeks; and yet to him, time has no meaning in heaven, just everlasting, unending time with Jesus. What does timeless really mean? We measure time based on hours, days, weeks, months, years. Remember as a kid thinking it's going to take forever for the next birthday to come around or Christmas is so far away? We measure time. That is how God created us...beings who experience time, know time, and believe time takes forever sometimes, and yet, through Jesus' eyes our "time" is but a blip on the radar as to what we will experience one day as believers when we walk through the gates of heaven. Wow! I truly can't grasp the reality of forever!? But then again, as humans we can't. Uncle Ray though now knows. He is living eternity...forever...neverending.

The sting of death is still ever present as humans, and I would be wrong to say I am not saddened with the passing of my Uncle. It hurts. It's sad. Jesus wept; so can (and do) I. But, the difference between my sadness and a non-believer...I have the assurance I will see my loved ones again and spend eternity with them in Paradise with God my God!

The picture above seems like it was taken an eternity ago! Amanda was blessed with an opportunity to get to meet my family in Illinois (whom of which I have not seen since I was a little girl when we moved here back in the 70s). Uncle Ray and Aunt Linda loved Amanda just like she was one of their own little ones. And, Amanda got along with everyone; she has as heart of love! I will forever cherish this picture as it is the only one...the one and only one I have of Amanda with my Uncle Ray and until we reach heaven, I will continue to cherish this picture...forever!

A Whisper in the Morning

Our lives here in this world are but a fleeting moment when one considers the concept of eternity. Eternity is something mankind cannot fully grasp. What is eternity; aside from the obvious...forever? I personally put my mind around what eternity truly means. Yes, I believe in eternity and long for that day when I see my Jesus face to face. Sometimes I find my heart wrestling...wrestling with the knowledge of knowing my loved ones who have gone before me have now glimpsed eternity and never, ever will they have to wonder what the true definition of eternity is; they are experiencing it!! They are, once again, made perfect in the image of God. Such an astounding concept...perfect, no more aches, pains, sorrows, or heartaches. And, until that day, not a single soul will ever achieve perfection for it’s impossible, unattainable, only to be achieved when the God of the Universe makes us whole again in eternity...with Him!

Sunday morning, July 15, 2012, began like none other. It was Sunday, the day to spend with my fellow brothers and sisters and worship our God. But, it was Saturday that began a journey for my sweet uncle. Battling lymphoma for many years, Uncle Ray was truly a man of integrity. He continued to love on his family – his beautiful wife, children, and being a grandpa was ever delightful for him! From afar, though many miles separated Uncle Ray from his sister and her family, he loved on us nonetheless. He was a hard worker; so much so, he worked until his body could no longer. He worked despite being ill; why? Because he loved my Aunt Linda dearly, passionately, and wanted to help support his family the way he knew a man should. This past Saturday morning, he knew. He knew. He heard the quiet whisper in the morning. Was there fear in his heart? Perhaps. But, if there was, it was only because we as humans cannot comprehend eternity. Fear of eternity with Jesus? No, I believe in that knowledge he found no fear. I believe he knew. I believe his heart yearned to tell his wife I love you just one more time; to tell his beloved children, grandchildren, mama and sister I love you...just one more time. Just one more time because I believe he knew Sunday was coming.

Sunday came. It dawned painted in all God’s divine glory; His perfect masterpiece. As life was going on, my beloved Uncle Ray exhaled his final breath this side of heaven and at 10:32 a.m. he walked into the arms of Jesus. Well done, good and faithful son....my uncle fell asleep one last time.

Death’s sting hurts...hurts really, really bad and yes indeed my heart is saddened with the passing of my Uncle Ray, but despite my human sadness I can rejoice in knowing he no longer hurts! The pains and sufferings of this world...gone! He has been made whole again, safe in the arms of Jesus.

Gone, yet not forgotten.
Safe in the arms of Jesus.
Resting in peace
Free of all pain and suffering
Made whole again
Such a wonder lies before him
Heaven.
Rejoicing with the Angels
Holy, holy, holy
At rest
in comfort
forever HIS
my beloved
Uncle Ray

Day 25....The Cycle is Broken

April 24, 2012 - Prayers are answered!

Day 25 was one we had hoped we never would have gotten to, but since we did, we had to get a game plan together. Emotions for me were running very high; and I know Amanda was frustrated with the continued pain and the HORRENDOUS nausea! So, since she was not eating or drinking much by day 24 and into day 25, I consulted with the PCH Neuro Team and after talking with them and talking with my daddy on the phone, and ultimately discussing it with Amanda, we decided to move forward with a nerve block. One catch - she had to do it without sedation! The neurologist told me they normally sedate children just because of the pain and the fact that the kids need to hold really still, but I don't think he knew who Amanda is :) I have to say I have never known anyone with as high a pain tolerance as she has (I was very tough and could handle a lot of pain, but I think she even surpasses me).

1:30pm came and the prep was all ready to go. Amanda had the nerve block performed with 2 injections into the occipital nerve region and then 4 injections in the frontal region (forehead). The most any of us in the room heard out of her was "ow". We did have to remind her to breathe, but she did it! I was amazed watching her! After the nerve block was complete, the migraine was G.O.N.E.! Down to about only 1% left. PRAISE!!! And we ultimately were able to come home on Day 25. The best part for me though? Seeing my girl smile and hearing her laugh again; this had been nearly absent for almost the entire month of April!

I am so blessed with the many people who covered Amanda in prayer during this horrible ordeal. I know God was totally in control and that He knew Day 25 would be THE DAY for the migraine cycle to break. Why did He choose to allow this migraine to go on for 25 days? We will probably never know, but I do know His plan is perfect! Part of His plan for Amanda's life was to have her in PCH right at that exact time. Amazing! Also, we had a nurse, named Rebecca, who happens to be a missionary who serves as a nurse in Africa! She gave us her card with her blog info on it so we can follow her when she gets back on the ship she serves on. One thing that really put a smile on my face...after the nurse left the room, I said to Amanda how cool it was that her nurse is a missionary. Amanda's response: "Maybe that is what I am supposed to do, mom. Be a missionary serving in the medical field."

So, who knows, perhaps God's plan was to plant that seed for a heart for mission work in Amanda. Perhaps one day I will have my girl serving God by being His hands and feet for the least of these...and that will begin with her serving at Navajo Nations this summer.

I don't know what the future holds for Amanda, but I do know one thing, God has THE PERFECT PLAN already being set in motion for His girl!


*Here are some pictures from the hospital stay. These are from when she was getting her PICC line (I didn't take any pics of the nerve block due to the sensitivity of the issue)


*PICC line supplies (blue
packing on the right held
all the necessary items to place
the PICC)


*PICC line has been successfully
inserted


* And now it is time to rest :)