A Mother's Cry

Dear God,

It breaks my heart to see my precious Amanda suffering in so much pain, Father. I am doing all that I can, but Lord, I really feel like I am failing my little girl. Yes, no matter how old she gets, she will always be my little girl :). You have entrusted me to take care of her, Father, and yet, right now I feel so confused as to what to do for her. I know "technically" the next step is the hospital, but Father I am trying everything, everything to keep her from having to go spend more time in the hospital. No child, or anyone for that matter, desires to be in hospital; yet, You have created that as place to aid the suffering. Lord, how do I know I am making the right decision right now for my girl, Your princess? It hurts. It hurts so bad to see her suffer and for her to think mommy doesn't care. I care immensely for my sweet Amanda and want nothing more than for this migraine to just break and give all glory to You for breaking this vicious cycle.

Lord, you tell us that You have a perfect plan for us. You tell us that the path is narrow, but that You will help guide us every step of the way - keeping our eyes fixed upon You. Such as Peter when he tried to walk on water. He did it as long as his eyes were focused solely on You, Lord. But, when his human nature took over, he panicked and started to sink. Lord, I feel that way right now, like I am Peter trying to put all my focus directly on You, but I feel like I am sinking. My heart aches. I want to cry, yet I know I need to be strong for Amanda. Again, I know You have THE perfect plan, but Father why can I not grasp what the plan is for Amanda during this time? Oh Father, I hurt and yet I trust you completely that You have her best interest in Your hands. But Father...21 days...14 years old? Please help calm this mama's heart and please wrap Your arms around my little girl.

Amen


My Sweet Amanda,

Mama's heart aches for you my sweet little lady. I cannot fathom the pain you must be enduring, and yet you never, ever ask "why me". Little lady you truly amaze me with your steadfastness and love in your Lord Jesus Christ. I know you don't understand the "why" regarding all the medical ailments you have endured in your life; little one, neither do I. But as believers, we are not guaranteed to know the "why" we are to just trust, and Amanda, your trust and faith astound me. You are Jesus' princess. He created you and knows everything about you. He knows all the aches, the pain, the feelings of "yucky"; and He knows my heart breaking to see you hurt. Jesus does not "cause" you to hurt, sweet girl; pain and suffering unfortunately are part of this fallen world we live in and until the day we go home to our Mansion in the sky, we will continue to have trials, tribulations, suffering and pain, but remember Jesus is walking hand in hand with you every step of the way, and when you just feel like you can't go on, He carries you. Also, I am here right beside you, too. You hold a place in my heart that no one...I mean no one will ever fill. It's yours!

I love you. You mean so much to me and you are truly God's blessing to my life.

~Mom